My handsome 17-year-old son was in the car with me when he exclaimed, "Oh, no! There she is."
"Who?" I asked.
"This girl in my school," he replied. "She always wants to hug and touch me. It's creepy."
"It sure is," his eight-year-old sister piped up from the back seat. "Who would want to touch you?"

He had been trying to get his waiter's attention for ages. Finally, the angry customer grew tired of waiting. He stood up and shouted out, "I need more tea!"Annoyed, the waiter came over. "You don't have to yell. I'm not deaf," he scolded.
"Sorry," the man said. "That was rude of me."
"It's OK," the waiter said. "Now what do you want in your coffee?"

My ten-year-old grandson, Jeffrey, called to ask if he and his cousin could sleep over at our house. ''Not this weekend, Jeffrey, '' I told him. ''I'm getting old.''
''But, Grandma, '' he protested, ''next weekend you'll be even older!''

High on a hillside, a shepherd is tending his flock when a BMW winds up the track towards him. A young man in an expensive suit gets out and says, ''If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have, will you let me have one?''
The shepherd agrees, so the young man gets out a laptop, connects to a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, compiles a complicated spreadsheet, then tells the farmer, ''You have 1586 sheep.''
''Correct,'' says the farmer. The young man selects one of the animals and bundles it into his car. ''Now,'' says the shepherd. ''If I can guess what your job is, can I have my animal back?''
"Sure," says the young man.
''You are a management consultant,'' says the shepherd.
''How did you guess that?'' says the young man.
''Easy,'' says the shepherd. ''You turned up though nobody wants you here. You want to be paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you know nothing about my business. ''Now, give me back my dog.''

A couple of lawyers walk into a bar, order drinks and take lunches from their briefcases.
''Sorry,'' the bartender says, ''but you can't eat your own food here.''
The lawyers look at each other, shrug their shoulders and swap lunches.

Our son was constantly wandering in and out of the house, leaving the front or back door wide open.
''Once and for all, will you please close that?'' my exasperated wife pleaded one day. ''Were you born in a barn?''
''No, I was born in a hospital, '' he replied, smirking. ''With automatic doors.''