A 55-year-old widow went out on a blind date with a 65-year-old man.
Returning to her daughter's house around 10.30, she seemed quiet and upset.
"What happened?" asked the daughter.
"I had to slap his face 3 times."
"You mean...?" began her daughter.
"Yes," she answered, "he fell asleep 3 times!"


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First you forget names,
then you forget faces,
then you forget to pull up your zipper,
then you forget to pull your zipper down.


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New friends on a bench in a busy park

Fred: I can tell you exactly how old you are right down to the month and the year.

Jack: Get outta here.

Fred: I'll bet you five bucks.

Jack: Okay.

Fred: Stand on one leg, raise both arms, open your mouth wide, and cackle like a chicken.

Jack: What?

Fred: Do it. I can tell from that.

Jack: I feel stupid.

Fred: You were 63 last March.

Jack: That's right! That's amazing! How could you tell I was 63 last March?

Fred: You told me yesterday.


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Billie says when she was young, it was "Look, but don't touch".
Now she says it's "Touch, but don't look."